What I Gained, Not What I Lost

Even if it wasn’t real, I still believed that it was so for that reason alone is why I want to sit here and thank you for the time that we had together. Whether it was a few short months or not, you made me grow, you made me happy, you made me smarter, and you gave me self awareness. The way that you made me grow was the way that we built a relationship from far away while taking off in our careers. You showed me that a relationship at this point in our lives is sometimes more work than magic. When you find someone who is just as willing to work to be with you, it makes it that much more worth it. It makes you look forward to the work day more than you thought you could. It makes you even more thankful to go home at the end of a long day because a simple phone call brings you the most joy no matter how the day went. The way you made me happy is the way I would like to remember you, because though their were those moments of sadness that brought us to where we are now, I chose to turn them away and recall the loving memories instead. Like I said, it was real to me, as real as the way you looked at me and the way you told me you loved me. You can’t make up the way you perfectly fit next to me or the way you made me laugh at the things you would say, even when you weren’t around. The little things are the hardest part to un-see, but that reminds me that connection is inevitable, though it may not last forever. I am more than grateful for the ways you taught me how to accept love and be able to give it in return. You showed me the challenge of loving someone else when you aren’t in love with yourself. Though it took me longer than most, it was real to me, you were real to me and I loved your good more than I hated your bad. You gave me complete self-awareness of who I am as a person and as a lover. You told me when you love somebody, you always have to give them the benefit of the doubt. I questioned you in my head, but I believed you with my heart. Love wasn’t enough to save us, because there is no love without trust. I refuse to remember the way you swayed my mind away from what was right in front of me, but I’ve allowed myself to remember those simple moments of bliss when I had no doubt in my mind you were the one I wanted. And for sometime, you were exactly what I wanted and who I wanted to sculpt my life around. You may not deserve it, but the person I am wishes the person you are, well. Take the memories with you as well as the reasoning behind what you did, and I’ll take my peace.

 

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